Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world’s worst roommate.

At three months, we say it’s cute when they blow bubbles. We frown on it when a child turns six. At thirteen, a stern reprimand is in order. It’s only bubble-blowing adults, we shoot.






So we sat on rock hard chairs with tiny drinks.

This was not quite what I had in mind.

Right… time to make conversation.

“So… have you worked in a nursery long?”

Bloody genius. What a dullard.

“I used to be a nanny which was something I had always wanted to do, but they got rid of me.”


“Well, they had three of the most irritating children in the world. They also had a dog. They used to leave me with all of them whilst they went off to their highly paid jobs.”

“Didn’t you like them?”

“They were OK, but I had so much to do. I’m sure all the kids had ADHD. And the dog…”

The laugh was nervous. “What happened?”

“One day I took the dog for a walk with the youngest child, after I had taken the other horrors to borstal. Both the dog and the kid were doing my bloody head in and I just got confused over which one to tie up and which one to let piss up against a tree.”

She finished her drink and put the glass on the side.

“The worst thing was their mother was on her lunch break in the park and witnessed my confusion. For some reason she thought I was unsuitable for the job.”

Oh God… like Fatal Attraction meets Peppa Pig.

“I don’t understand it.” She ordered us more drinks. We spotted a sofa by the fireplace and dived for them.

“So.” She said taking a long drink, “we can make this easy for you and I can discreetly go home and you can say I had a headache or….”

“No. I think you should stay and we can embarrass Adam some more with inappropriate comments. And anyway…..” he finished his drink, “you are surprisingly stunning and having you even walk within spitting distance improves my credibility. I just hope we bump into some people I know”

“I am glad I can help. I still know very little about you though. Have you got any pets of your own?”

“I have a house rabbit called Smurf. He lives in the bedroom.”

“Well it’s different to the normal type of rabbit I’m used to in bedrooms, but….”

I laughed and they sat and watched the other people in the bar. When we’d finished our drinks, I felt bad we’d left our chaperones for long enough so thought we’d better go and find them. We walked out the bar and down to where Adam and Lilly were. This time it was me who slipped my hand in hers.

When we walked in the bar, the couple were sat in a quiet area with a couple of spare chairs.

They smiled at us nervously.


We smiled and I went to the bar to get drinks. It wasn’t the aftermath of blind date and I didn’t want to be analysed.

so the four of us sat there for a while listening to the music and making small talk. Soon, last orders were called and people started to drift away and we went out into the street.

“It was really nice to meet you.” I kissed her lightly on the lips.

That seemed the right thing to do.

“You too.”

“Can I see you again?”

“What about the weekend? You have my number.”

“Sounds good. I will text you.”

I walked to my car, feeling odd. Look, I knew I had to get out and knew I had to talk to women, but MariCarmen seemed different.

There was banter, something I missed, but it was nice to have someone to play off again.

Adam seemed clearly pleased at what was going on. He came in the next day and told him he had bumped into MariCarmen on his way into work and she was full of what a good time she had.

It was also the topic of conversation at lunch.

“Are you going to phone her?”

“I have already sent her a text.”

“I’m really pleased.”

“Thanks mate. She is really nice.”

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