There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it…

What is drama, but life with the dull bits cut out.

Alfred Hitchcock






So I suggested something neutral to do, that would not require me to talk to much.

The cinema.

Somewhere you cannot go on your own as you look like a weirdo, especially seeing a romantic comedy.

So I carefully picked a film. I thought no porn and no horror.

Oh and no Disney.

There was a thriller on, that that looked alright, with someone I half recognised, from another film I nearly saw.

And we sat there with popcorn and drink. Not too close, but we at least looked like we knew each other.

There was no inappropriate groping, but she did manage to get popcorn lodged in a girls’ hair in the row in front. She didn’t throw it at her, just threw it up in the air to catch it in her mouth and her throw was wonky.

It finished, the lights went up and we walked out into the biting, cold air. I walked her to her car and stood awkwardly by her, whilst she put the key into the lock. She turned to me.

“I had a good time.”

“Sorry the film was rubbish.”

“You didn’t make it.”

“True. Anyway, it doesn’t matter; it was still good to see you. Look, I’m off work on Thursday so we could go out on Wednesday night.”

“Sounds good.”

“Let’s go out for something to eat.”

“I may spill and dribble.”

“In the restaurant? That will shock people.”

“I’ll save it for the bedroom.”

I watched her drive away. She was the first person, in a long time that made me feel completely comfortable. So the texts increased and I found myself looking forward to the next one.

Another evening where I took ages to get ready and in the end decided to wear a smart shirt and trousers.

The restaurant was near the beach but set back in some gardens. I thought it best to meet her outside. I pulled up alongside her. She was sat in her car singing along to the music with the windows up. Thank goodness. I tapped on the window and made her jump.

She opened the door, jumped off her seat and threw her arms round me.

“Welcome to our third date.”

“Thank you. Glad you could make it.”

“Me too. Or the date would be really rubbish.”

We were shown to a table at the back, sat down and ordered some food.

She talked for a while then stopped. “What’s the matter?”


“You lie like a cheap rug.”

“OK, well… the thing is, and bear with me on the analogy, my life is like sheets of paper. Everything is in order. Neatly typed and in perfect piles. It is not as complete as it once was but it’s OK. In a short period of time and since you have come into it, everything has changed. It is like you have taken all the paper and thrown them up in the air.”


“Don’t be. I’m not. It’s good for me. To be honest, I haven’t even picked up all the pages yet and I’m not that bothered.”

“Right stop now. The paper thing… I get it. I never wanted to come in and turn your life upside down. I only wanted to compliment it.”

“You do.” I leaned forward and kissed her.

“I like you, but careful of the spaghetti.” She used the napkin to wipe the bit of his shirt that dipped into it.

“I like you too.”

We ate and finished our drinks. “Let’s go for a walk.”

We walked through the gardens. There were couples walking past, laughing and joking.

We were still at the ‘trying to make small talk and testing the water stage. It felt odd being with someone. I was still getting my head round the feeling I was cheating on Victoria.

“What are you thinking about?”


“Liar again. Do you have issues with this?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know this must be hard for you. And I’m sure your big brain is throbbing as it analyses everything.”

“Big brain?”

“You are good at everything you do. And clever with your big brain. And good looking.”

“Keep going…..”

She hit me. “No. But you should at least let us have a decent chance. I will be good for you and you the same. Let’s just see what happens.”

I stopped and she put her arms round me and kissed me.

“OK. I will give us a chance. But you have to bear with me. I will try really hard not to fuck up.”

“As long as there is no intention behind your fuck-ups it doesn’t matter.”


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